God's Desire

I am a bit behind in posting, but I have still been reading along and writing down everything on paper. We have been traveling and we've also been having intermittent internet problems, so I haven't been able to post when I'd like. So, look for me to add these posts over the next several days, until I catch up. Thanks for staying with me.

Day 163: Jeremiah 5-8
Israel continues to reject the Lord, and so the Lord sends enemies to invade and destroy them. He wants them to come to him and to know him, and he will take drastic measures to ensure that they come to know him. Jeremiah is the prophet who delivers them this news and prophesies about what's to come if they don't repent and return to God.

So often, we run away. We get busy. We put obstacles in our lives that separate us from God. And just like he desire with Israel and Judah, God wants us to repent, too. He wants us to return to Him and live the life that He has meant for us to live. He may convict our heart. He may allow us to get into a situation that will teach us about Him, about ourselves. He may discipline us in other ways. He does all this because He loves us. God wants all of us, and he has the power get it from us. But he doesn't coerce. He doesn't beg. Instead, he grieves. His heart is broken. He hurts with he hurt of his people, and he mourns with them, too (Jeremiah 8:18-22).

When we are separate from God--either because of sin or because of situation or because of resentment towards God--he hurts with us. What a mighty God we have. A true friend.

Jesus, the Counselor

Day 149: Isaiah 9-12

I love this passage from Isaiah 9:6

"For to us a child is born,
       to us a son is given,
       and the government will be on his shoulders.
       And he will be called
       Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
       Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

I especially appreciate how the author has used the word "Wonderful Counselor" to describe the future Savior. Think about what this description means. Jesus is the one who counsels us. He offers us hope and gives us a way out of all the pain that we experience in this life. Depression. Addiction. Loss. Death. Sin. Jesus is our counselor.

I went to a counselor for a while last year. It was my first time to do so, and it didn't exactly work out like I hoped it would. I think counseling is great, and it's a healthy way to work through issues in our lives. And it's comforting to know that Jesus, too, is described as our counselor. Our WONDERFUL counselor. How comforting is that! We can talk to him about anything, and he will lead us through it. He has saved us. Amazing.

Rejoice in the Lord!

Day 127: Psalm 115-118

"This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

This verse has special meaning to me. When I was growing up, my dad always wanted us to sing this song. We even sang it at the dinner table! And oftentimes, we sang the song in rounds with three of us singing the first part, and the other three singing the other part.

Because this song was so important to my dad, I grew up viewing this concept of rejoicing in every day as an important one, too. I've always tried to be glad and thankful for every new day and to rejoice about God's hand in it. Each day is such a blessing from God. We don't know when our last day will be, so it's important to praise God for each day that he's given us. I admit, I don't always think to do this. I take for granted that I will make it through another day and have more and more days with my family and friends. I even take it for granted that my family will do the same. I take it for granted that we will all gather together at the end of the day and enjoy our time together.

The reality is, though, that this may not happen. Families aren't always brought together at the end of the day. Some people don't come home. Just think about all those people in Haiti who died in such a tragic way. Their families didn't expect this awful thing to happen, and now they are living without people they love. What an awful tragedy. We just never know.

And I think this notion of rejoicing in the day that the Lord has made is different, but somewhat associated to, the idea of carpe diem, or "seize the day." While seize the day is about making the most of life while you are here, rejoicing in the day that the Lord has made is rejoicing no matter what your circumstances are and praising God for each new day that you have. That's a different concept entirely, and one that isn't near as easy to do. To be honest, it's really easy to forget to rejoice in the days that the Lord has made when we are at low points, when there's nothing evident to rejoice in. But that's when we need to do it most. We can still express our appreciation and gratitude to God during these times, thanking him that we still have life and that we are still blessed to live it.

Less of Self and More of Thee

Day 119: Psalm 75-78

The writer of Psalm 75 lists what God has done for them, and he proclaims that he will always do so. He will sing praises to the God of Jacob and express his gratefulness to God.

Why is it easier to focus on the negative? I know that my own perspective isn't often the same as the writer of Psalm 75's is here. In the midst of turmoil, I often become self-centered. I don't necessarily blame God when bad things happen, but I don't sing of his praises either (at least that's not natural for me to do). But here is a writer--a follower of God--who reminds himself and others what God has done for him, and he is never going to stop doing so.

God has done things for me personally. He has redeemed me. He has made me whole, pure, and guiltless. He has forgiven me and given back my life to me again and again. He has blessed me with a loving husband, healthy children, godly parents, and a wonderful extended family. He's given me a wonderful job that I love. He takes care of me and provides for me. He constantly does so much for me. If I would just remember all these things in the midst of bad times, I think I would have a different kind of relationship with God--one that is less selfish and more loving. I hope I will remember this chapter the next time hard times come. I hope I will be less self-absorbed and more grateful to God for all the good things he has given me.

God's Nature

Day 116: Psalm 56-60

Even in our deepest sorrow, God cares. He is on our side. He gives us hope. He directs our journeys. He is faithful even in the midst of sorrow and pain. Even in the midst of stressful days and sleepless nights. God is there. He will comfort us. He will heal us. He will save us. Thank you, God, for who you are.

Bitter or Better?

Day 109: Psalm 22-25

Psalm 22 begins, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" These words, spoken here by David, were also uttered by Jesus on the cross. When Jesus repeated the words of David, he was drawing on his ancestors; he was connecting to people who had felt the same way. But he was also showing that he, too, was suffering. At this particular moment on the cross, he felt that God had left him. That God had forsaken him. This is the worst thing that could happen to Jesus, being left by God. It was also the worst thing that could happen to David, feeling like God has abandoned him. It's the worst thing to happen to us, too. Feeling alone. Abandoned. Neglected. And not just by anyone--by God.

I read a book yesterday about creativity and suffering. The book, Drops Like Stars by Rob Bell, is about the pain we experience and how we can use creativity--which God invented--to imagine a life for ourselves and world in which we live that where suffering is looked at in a positive way--while we're in the midst of it. I encourage each of you to read this book (it's a quick read and written with a postmodern flair, combining images and text in uniquely creative ways).

David would not have been the same person had he not experienced the pain and suffering he went through. Maybe Jesus wouldn't have been either. Not only can he identify with humans in ways that he couldn't before, but he can use this perspective to plead to God about it as well.

Like David and Jesus, we, too, are changed through suffering. The choice we have, according to Bell, is whether we will become "better" or "bitter." How will we use our experiences? How will we be shaped and formed through them? Hopefully, we will become more alive, more able to experience and feel the goodness of God in our lives. Through our pain, we learn. We live.  We empathize with others. We become better not bitter.

We have all felt forsaken by God (I assume, but maybe not). Whether it's because bad things have happened to us or because of our sins, we may have felt distance between us and God, especially at times when we need Him most. It's not a good feeling to be abandoned by God, but both David and Jesus felt this at one point in their lives. They spoke how they felt to God. And so can we. Suffering bonds us together with others. And it also bonds us to Jesus.

The chapter after David utters his words to the Lord comes Psalm 23, the famous psalm where David declares, "The Lord is my shepherd; I lack nothing." and ends with "Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of our life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

In your suffering, may we all become better, not bitter.

The Word Hate, and God?

Day 106: Psalm 11-15

I like the part of Psalm 11 where the writer states, "The LORD is in his holy temple; the LORD is on his heavenly throne"(v. 4), but then I'm disturbed by the part where it says the Lord "hates with a passion" the wicked. The Lord hates? We aren't supposed to hate, are we? At least that's what we're taught. So it's a bit surprising to me that the Lord hates. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that the Lord hates the wicked; He is all about "good" and evil has no place in his presence. But it just shocks me because we are all evil; we are all wicked. Does God hate all of us? Or what else could it be? Could it be that this expression--this use of language--is only one person's interpretation of the Lord? Or could it be that this is true and that when Jesus came, he changed all this? I don't know. I'm sure I could ask someone or google this question, and I could get the "right" answer, or even one that explains it a little bit, but I guess I just want to say that I was a little shocked. Maybe I'll learn more about this idea as I pursue my reading.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Psalm 13 is a psalm of David, and his prayer here reminds me of Job's questioning of God. They both question the circumstances of their life. I like how David ends this prayer:

⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
       my heart rejoices in your salvation.
    ⁶ I will sing the LORD's praise,
       for he has been good to me.

David trusts the Lord and even though he doesn't understand everything that is happening to him, he trusts the Lord and will praise the Lord in the midst of hard times.

Imagining a Different Reality

Day 96: Job 8-10

This time Job's friend Bildad talks with Job, asking him what sin his children committed to deserve this. He doesn't understand Job's reactions. Job's response is somewhat puzzling to me as well, but from what I understand it appears that Job ultimately asks God why, if he was going to let all this happen to him, did he even let him be born in the first place. Why did he let him be born if he was just going to destroy everything for him? That's a pondersome question.

Even though I don't understand all of what Job says--he seems to be saying one thing and then switches tracks and goes on to something else--I do know that Job's faith appears more complex and deep than his friends. He is able to imagine a God--a world even--in which things like this don't happen. And since he can imagine a world like this, it is even more painful when life takes these turns, when God allows bad things to happen. Ultimately, Job recognizes that God has the power to take away, but he wonders why he chooses to do so.

I am really enjoying the book of Job. I can identify with Job and his expressions to God, but Job's thoughtful words really give me something to ponder.

Feeling Grief Deep Down in the Soul

Day 95: Job 3-7

Three of Job's friends heard about his misery and come to visit him. They comfort him and join him in his suffering. They don't speak for 7 days, weeped together, and mourned together. When Job finally does speak, he doesn't curse God, like one might expect him to do. Instead, he curses the day of his birth. He lives in the moment of pain, feeling it deeply and reflecting on how he wishes he hadn't been born.

One of Job's friends, Eliphaz, tells Job that he should appeal to God. He then tells Job all the good things that God has done. Job responds by saying that he will appeal to God, not for what Eliphaz wants him to ask for but to plead to God to let him die. And, while his friends seem to want him to get over it and to stop mourning, Job tells them that he will not keep silent--that he will feel his pain, express his anguish, and complain in the bitterness of his soul.

Oftentimes when someone dies or suffers some painful loss, well-meaning people say the wrong thing. One time, for instance, when someone's 22-year-old son died suddenly, I heard a woman say to the mom, "It's all right. He's in a better place." Things like this, while well-intentioned, do not comfort the mom who has lost her son, or the son who has lost his mother, or the woman who cannot feed her family. Job is right to tell his friends that he will "not just get over it" but instead he will live in this time of pain. He will grieve over what he has lost, and he will even lament over being born. However, he will not curse God. In his grief, he will not sin. We need to let people grieve. We need to provide comfort to people that goes beyond, "At least he's in heaven." While that may be true, it doesn't help the grief and pain we feel now. Job recognizes this, and he lovingly teaches his friends this, too.

The Lord Takes Away

Day 94: Job 1-2

Job is an amazing man. He was blameless and upright, God-fearing and pure. In the book of Job, Satan roams the earth looking for someone who will basically curse God and turn away from their faith. So, God offers up Job. He tells Satan that there is no one as righteous as Job and that Satan can do whatever he wants to Job. Wow.

Very soon after that, Job loses everything. He loses his cattle and sheep, his oxen and donkeys, his servants and even his own sons and daughters. When he hears the news about all that he has lost, what does he do?

Before I get to what Job actually did, let's consider this question. What might you do if you have lost everything? It's hard to fathom losing everything; I can't even fully grasp what that means. It's too much to bear.

However, we can consider the notion of loss. We have all lost things. We have lost loved ones, and in this economic downturn, many of us have lost jobs. Others have lost children or had miscarriages. Others have mourned failed relationships, friendships, and marriages. We have all suffered from lost.

To make it a bit more personal, I will speak about something I have lost recently. Most of you know by now that Shane and I lost our dreams of planting a church. After three years of dreaming and then realizing our dream, we had to give it up. We are still grieving over all that we lost. Sure, we have moved on. We have a new church family who loves us and our children and is so glad we are there (as are we), but we are also still grieving over the church plant and other things surrounding that time in our lives.

*We are grieving that we had to move from a city that we love and had hoped to live in for years to come.
*We are grieving that our children will not go to the brand new elementary school in our neighborhood, the school equipped with high-tech classrooms and exceptional academic ratings.
*We are grieving that I will have to commute again. Long days and long hours away from family.
*We are anguished over leaving the friends we have made here and the spiritual relationships we have developed with people in our neighborhood and at various churches around town.
*We are saddened about leaving a home that we love. Familiarity. Comfort.

We are still sorrowful about a lot of different things. This past year has been very difficult for us, and we are still learning to deal with the loss we have experienced at many different levels of our life--emotionally, spiritually, personally, relationally, and professionally.

Over this past year, I have coped with loss in many different ways. I have been sad and depressed, so I got on depression medicine. I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I have praised God for this time, even though I don't understand everything that happened. I have talked with Shane, some friends, and many loved ones about my feelings. I have gone to counseling. I have also coped with my feelings through some negative behaviors--having a short fuse with Shane or my children; turning to food for comfort; avoiding people or conversations or conflict.

I am still working through all my feelings about that time in my life, and I will continue to look for the positive aspects of how God used me--used us--to advance his kingdom. I know that He did, and I'm confident that in spite of all that was lost, many things were gained, too.

So back to Job...Here was Job's response to all that he lost (vv. 20-22):

At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said:
       "Naked I came from my mother's womb,
       and naked I will depart.
       The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
       may the name of the LORD be praised."

In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing. 

Job worshiped the Lord. Job, in his wisdom, recognized that the Lord gave and the Lord took away, AND YET, the name of the Lord will still be praised. And perhaps even more impressive, even in his grief, Job did not sin. Even when he developed boils, he did not curse God or sin. But he did grieve. He felt his suffering, and he went through deep sorrow and pain.

Let the name of the Lord be praised.

Finding Us

Day 81: 2 Chronicles 10-15

If you seek the Lord, you will be found by him.

I have heard this concept since I was a little kid. Seek the Lord and He will find you. However, in practice, this concept is one that is harder to implement. When I experienced low points in my life, I have found it very difficult to seek him. Not because I don't want to but because, for whatever reason, I have found it so hard to do. Maybe it was because I was depressed and didn't have the energy. Or maybe it was because I was caught in sin and felt ashamed to seek a holy God. Or maybe it was because I didn't want to be so vulnerable.

Whatever the case, it's hard to seek God when you most need him. Isn't that ironic? That when we most need him seeking him isn't the easiest, most natural thing to do? I wish it were easier during these hard times because the reward would surely outweigh the difficulties, but it's not. And maybe that's what makes that concept so amazing. That when you're finally ready to seek the Lord, it doesn't take much looking; He's already found you.

That gives me courage during the low points that inevitably come. Even when I don't know what to do to feel better or get out of the depths of despair, God is ready for me when I decide to seek Him. In fact, he's waiting in anticipation for me.

Where is Your Broom Tree?

Day 68: I Kings 18-22

This weekend was a wonderful time of relaxation and renewal for me and Shane. We were blessed to have two wonderful friends give us the gift of a weekend trip to San Antonio. These dear friends were supporters of The Grove who knew firsthand how important it is for couples to spend time together, especially after such a long, arduous time.

This weekend was wonderful for us. We held hands as we walked along the winding paths of the Riverwalk. We laughed and giggled with delight as we always do when it’s just the two of us together. We relished each other’s company and enjoyed being together. We reflected on our life together. The valleys and the mountains. The bad decisions we’ve made in the past and the best ones we’ve ever made. We shopped, read books, and relaxed. What a wonderful weekend.

We have come far since the days when we felt we were sitting under the broom tree, wondering when God would save us from these days of “excrement” (a word used by my new favorite author Madeleine L’Engle in Two-Part Invention: The Story of a Marriage—a wonderful book and one that I encourage you to read). The broom tree, you see, is where Elijah went when he was being chased by Ahab who was trying to kill him. Elijah found this broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. He tells the Lord that he has had enough and he is now ready to die. Then he falls asleep.

Although we haven’t necessarily said that we wanted to die, we have felt some of these same feelings that Elijah had, wondering what it was all for. Here you had Elijah who was trying to do a good thing by prophesying and leading people to the Lord. But, instead, these people turn to Baal and to other idols, and Elijah feels like his life is not worth anything.

Many of us have sat under a broom tree before, wondering what is happening to life as we knew it, wondering how we got HERE, to this specific point, wondering how our life has turned out this way. And Elijah felt that way, too. He is ready to die.

But then an angel comes and tells Elijah to eat. The angel even provides food and water for Elijah. This food and water sustains him, so much so that he has enough strength to travel forty days and forty nights until he reaches Horeb, the mountain of God. At the mountain of God, Elijah gets to see the Lord pass by from his place in the mouth of the cave. The Lord doesn’t appear in the form of thunder, or a lighting bolt, or even fire. Instead, the Lord passes by in the form of a gentle whisper.

This weekend was a time for a couple to hear the loving, tender whisper of the Lord God speaking to us, telling us that he is proud of us, that he loves us. And forever reminding us that He is there for us, always, but especially in those days of excrement when we feel like crawling up under a broom tree and dying. God will find us there, and he will provide for us. He will meet all of our needs. 

Finding Hope

Day 51: Ruth 2-4

Poor Naomi. I really feel sorry for her. She lost her husband, two sons and one daughter-in-law all in a very short period of time. Yes, she still has Ruth (for whom she was thankful), but this doesn't diminish the pain of losing a husband and the two children she had borne. That loss a lot to fathom. Losing a spouse is enough in itself, but to also lose two children. Wow. Children aren't supposed to go before parents. That's why I feel sorry for Naomi.

I've always thought Naomi was just a bitter old woman. But as I'm older now and in a different position than before when I only looked at the story through Ruth's perspective, I can understand Naomi a lot better. And I don't think she's a bitter old woman; rather, I think she's trying to cope with the situation that has been thrown at her. A situation that causes her to doubt and question God. To even lose her faith in Him.

But here comes Ruth, and Ruth brings Naomi the hope that she had lost. Not only does Ruth commit to love her and go with her wherever she will go, therefore giving her love (and a daughter), Ruth also offers Naomi hope through an extended family--in a son (Boaz), and grandchildren. More important than that, though, is that Ruth restores Naomi's hope in God. Naomi feels that God has returned to her when Ruth and Boaz marry. The loss she feels lessens somewhat and she comes to know that God cares for her and that he is watching over her.

We live in a painful time--a time of addictions, car accidents, cancer, mental illness, poverty, hunger, hatred, children dead at too young of ages, stillbirths, and on and on and on. We live in a painful time. Life is not easy--it never has been--and we don't have the answers for all of life's mysteries.

But God does. We can take a lesson from Naomi by grieving and questioning where God is in the midst of all our pain. But we can also find hope. Hope in Jesus' death on the cross. Hope in our families and friends. Hope in nature. Hope in humanity. Hope in kindness, faith, and love. There is hope. Now may not be the time where we are ready to look for it, but it is there waiting for us when we are ready to look. The first place we can look to find it is to the cross. Jesus can give us hope again. He already has, actually; he's just waiting for us to come get it.

Desert Wanderings and Heavenly Blessings

Day 27: Numbers 5-8

"The LORD said to Moses, 'Tell Aaron and his sons, "This is how you are to bless the Israelites. Say to them:

'The LORD bless you
and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace.'

So they will put my name on the Israelites, and I will bless them."
--Numbers 6: 22-27

God gave this blessing to the Israelites. Isn't that a bit odd that God gave this blessing to the Israelites? A blessing that involved God blessing them, making his face shine on them, being gracious to them, turning his face toward them, and giving them peace. Yes, Aaron was the one that delivered this blessing to the Israelites, but God was the one who came up with it.

Regardless of how the blessing was given to Israel, God wanted them to know that they were His. That He put His name on the Israelites. Once again, God is giving the Israelites an identity. This time the identity involves God, graciousness, and peace, all while in the arms of God who is blessing them and keeping them.

As an extension of the promise, we, too, are given this blessing. But what's interesting is that we can now give this blessing to others. If you have ever been to opening or closing chapel at ACU, for instance, you have this blessing sung as a song. At the beginning of the year and at the close of the year, we gathered together in Moody Coliseum to sing "The Lord Bless You and Keep You." It's a tradition.

At the beginning of the Fall semester, this song was a message of hope. Hope for a blessed year. Hope that when things were to get bad or hard or busy--as all college semesters happen to do--we could look to God and He would bring us peace.

At the end of the year, the song had a different feeling to it. A different tone. We were all about to depart to different areas of the world and spend our summers in various ways. The song became a blessing of sending. A way to be sent out into the world. To remember that the Lord wants blessing for us. A way for us to bless each other as we depart ways and, hopefully, do good things for the Lord.

This blessing that God gave to the Israelites keeps on giving thousands of years later. Even in bad circumstances, which the Israelites surely faced as they wandered in the desert, they could remember this blessing. They could remember that the Lord wanted good things for them.

And so, too, can we. As we wander through our own deserts of pain and suffering, we can look to this blessing and we can remember. We can remember that God loves us and that he blesses us--then and now. And He can bring us peace.

During the past year and a half, I experienced many deserts. I wondered where God was and what He was doing to bring me out of my desert. I also wondered why he would let things happen like they did with the church plant and why he wasn't blessing our church in the way we wanted. After reading these first three books of the Bible, though, what I better understand is that God was wandering right there with me, just like He did with the Israelites. He never left them; in fact, during their desert time is when He gave them this blessing. He didn't shorten their wandering, though, just because they were experiencing hard times. Yet he did bless them. He gave them what they needed most--an identity in the Lord.

And now that I have journeyed from deep in the middle of a desert to a place that is much more fertile and cultivated, I can see how this experience--the literal things that took place as well as the spiritual journey I was on--shaped and formed me. I appreciate this blessing in ways that I could have never articulated before. I can appreciate how my own journey paralleled that of the Israelites, and this fact brings me comfort. I can also see how God has finally brought me peace, a peace that I would have never known on my own but only through his blessing and his work.

Trusting God Is Hard to Do

Day 17: Exodus 14 to 17

After reading this section of text where the Israelites escape through the Red Sea and then wander in the wilderness, I am annoyed with them, yet I can identify with them. They whine and whine and whine. They doubt God and wonder what He is up to. They complain, complain, complain. And as a reader, this gets old. But as a human, I can totally identify with it because I do the same thing with God. When things are going well, I thank him for his gifts and blessings and when things go poorly or when I don't hear his voice at all, I whine and complain, whine and complain. God must be annoyed with the Israelites, and he must get annoyed with me, too.

Why is it so hard to trust God--to trust in God--to take care of us?

I think part of this answer lies with our American culture. We tend to trust ourselves and look out for number one. If things are going well, we give ourselves credit, and when things turn sour, we blame others. We don't stay in relationships long and when it looks like we aren't going to win, we give up. We also are very self-reliant; we don't want to trust anyone but ourselves.

If we apply these principles to our relationship with God, we may be one to only pray when we need something, or to only remember God in the bad times of our lives. We may even blame God when our poor choices have negative consequences. In addition, we are hesitant to trust others because so often we have been let down. And at times it seems that God has let us down, too, so we are hesitant to trust God.

I think another part has to do with our own insecurity. Would God really let this happen to us? I thought he wanted only what is good for me.

I also think that trusting God is hard because we don't know where trusting him might take us. We may be forced to give up things to which we are attached but that may not be good for us. Or we may be called out of our comfort zones to do things like giving up your possessions, your job security, or your home to move somewhere else.

Trusting God is hard.

But He shows us again and again that He will provide for us. The provision may not always look like we want it to be, but he does take care of us. He will take care of us. I can trust that; you can, too.