Confessions

Day 115: Psalm 50-55

Psalm 51 is an amazing psalm about repentance and the deep need for God's mercy and forgiveness. Although the story about David having an affair with Bathsheba and then killing her husband Uriah the Hittite to cover it up is quite familiar, his words here in Psalm 51 are not. In this psalm, David confesses his sin to God and pleads for God's forgiveness.

David's state of mind here--his stance towards God--is one that I have felt during my lifetime. I have sinned. I am a sinner, in constant need of God's grace, just like David is here. David asks God to take away his guilt, make him pure, and give him back his joy. I, too, have been in this same place. In anguish over a sin I have committed. Trying desperately to connect with God. Begging for forgiveness. Repenting in my heart and having every intention to change and then doing it again and again and again.

Only after I committed sins that I said I'd never do--you know, those sins that we judge others for and think are worse than others--well, only after committing sins like that did I really know what it was like to feel the wonderful, miraculous grace of Jesus Christ. To be filled with a new spirit and a renewed sense of faith, hope, and calling. God is good, and through our sins, he brings us to a place where we can see his grace--his wonderful, beautiful nature of salvation--at work.

David utters the following words in this chapter, and I leave you with them here:

"Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a Royal spirit within me." 

May God change our hearts and renew our spirits, just like he did with David.

Thoughts on Psalms

Day 111: Psalm 31 to 35

Psalm 32 is an interesting psalm in the sense that it deals with the Lord forgiving sins. If I'm remembering correctly, so far in my reading of the Old Testament, I don't remember reading anything so far about God and forgiveness. However, this psalm deals specifically with the idea of confession and forgiveness. The writer confessing his sins to the Lord, and the Lord forgiving them.
----
Reading the psalms teaches me about the ways of the Lord and the relationship he establishes with his people. I kind of wish the psalms were intermittent throughout the Bible so that we could have narrative and poetry intermixed.
----
Psalm 34:18: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." This scripture suggests that God is near those who suffer. He is close to the hurting, offering them comfort and hope.

Forgiveness heals

Day 12: Genesis 42-45

Tomorrow begins a new journey for the Alexander family. Shane begins preaching at Northcrest Church of Christ. We are really excited about this moment because it marks the end of a very hard time in our lives, yet it also marks a time of hope, excitement, and change. We are really excited about joining this sweet congregation, and we are hopeful about what the Lord will do there with and through us. Thank you, God, for this opportunity. Keep us in your prayers.

On a different note...I love the story of Joseph meeting his brothers in Egypt long after they had sold him into slavery. Joseph must have been quite surprised to see them. He could have sought revenge against them. In fact, in his position as governor, he could have easily had them put to death. But he doesn’t. Instead, he has compassion on them. He shows them love. He shows them forgiveness.

There are a few people in my life to whom I feel bitterness. I was definitely wronged by them, and sometimes I want to dwell in this bitterness. But I can learn from Joseph how to show forgiveness. And what’s important to remember is that the forgiveness didn’t help the brothers; it helped Joseph. Joseph was able to welcome them into his home with an honest and genuine love for them—not a bitterness that no one would have blamed him for holding.

But he didn’t. He forgave. Forgiveness heals.

I, too, should forgive. I need to let go of the past and forgive those people who hurt me. It’s not for them that I need to do this; it’s for me. For my health and well-being. For my relationships with others. Thank you, Joseph, for reminding me of this lesson.

Reeling from Revenge

Day 9: Genesis 32-35

What can I say about this reading today? A lot happened. Esau forgives Jacob. Jacob wrestles with God and God changes his name to Israel. Shechem rapes Jacob’s daughter Dinah and so Simeon and Levi seek revenge on Shechem and his family. Rachel dies in childbirth. Jacob returns back to the land of Abraham and Isaac.

If we look at all these stories together, I’m mostly struck by the contrast between Esau and Jacob’s two sons (Simeon and Levi). Both men were angry and wanted revenge. When Jacob stole Esau’s birthright and the blessing, Esau even vowed to kill Jacob. When Dinah was raped and deviled, the whole family was upset. But with time (at least 14 years), Esau’s bitterness dissipated so that when he meets Jacob on the road, he embraces him. He no longer wants to kill Jacob. The brothers, though, don’t have time on their side. They seek revenge right then and kill hundreds of men as a result. They even loot the town and take the women and children as their own. Jacob condemns their actions and curses them as he is dying. And if I’m recalling correctly, their descendants don’t inherit the part of the Promised Land promised to them. They have to suffer major consequences as a result of their actions. And Esau, because he does not seek revenge, doesn’t suffer.

Here you have two instances with different results. If Simeon and Levi hadn’t taken revenge into their own hands, they would have been blessed. Another reminder not to play God. Not to dole out justice as we see fit and instead let the Lord take care of it for us. God sure has emphasized this idea a lot in my reading so far. I guess this is a lesson that God really wants me to learn.

I do wonder a bit about the application of this chapter for me. I have never been wronged the way Esau or Dinah had been wronged, so I cannot know what it's like to want someone dead. I'm sure if I had ever been raped, I would want revenge. But for someone who has "lesser" evils done to her, I still typically don't want someone harmed or punished as a result. I just try to ignore it and move on. But I can learn more about the practice forgiveness. Forgiving others. Forgiving myself. And expressing my feelings to God rather than trying to deal with them myself.