What does it mean to trust God?
That he will take care of us? That he will provide for us physically, emotionally, and spiritually? That he will fulfill the promises he makes in the Bible? Promises such as hearing our prayers, bringing only good things to us, or loving us. Or is it that we trust him to give us what we ask for in our prayers (non-material things, specifically)?
Sometimes I have a hard time trusting God. If he’s not going to take care of me, provide for me, fulfill the promises he makes in the Bible, or give me what I ask for in my prayers, then how can I trust Him?
Trusting God is hard to do. And yet God still wants us to trust him. But trusting God is so hard to do.
Last night, a 21-year-old girl at the church in Gatesville where Shane was a preacher was killed in a car wreck. She has a 9 month old daughter that will never know how much her sweet mommy loved and adored her. She has parents who love her and who have now lost a child before her time. She has a church family who looked forward to seeing her each week.
Why do things like this happen? We trust God to take care of our children. We pray to God that He will protect them from harmful things. And yet…things like this keep happening. This question of why bad things happen to good people is age-old, but it’s still relevant today. We ask the same question: “Why,” but we don’t get a satisfactory answer. God’s ways just don’t make sense to us. How can we trust God when life doesn’t turn out like it should or like we want it to? What does trusting God mean anyway?
Unfortunately, the reading for today doesn’t bring much comfort to me and doesn’t bring many answers either. In fact, the reading actually makes me fearful because at this point in the narrative, the Israelites do two things wrong. First, the spies, except for Joshua and Caleb, come back from Canaan with a false report about how big and strong the Canaanites are. They don’t trust God to be on their side and they lack faith that he will fulfill his promise to give them the land flowing with milk and honey. As a result of their lies and lack of faith in God, God strikes the spies with a plague, and each one of them die (except Joshua and Caleb). Second, God punishes the entire Israelite community because of their grumbling that resulted from the spies report. They, too, didn’t trust God (or Moses and Aaron) to provide for them and fulfill his promise to take care of them and give them good things.
Moses pleas with God to forgive the Israelites and not to kill them (like God wanted to do). God does forgive them, but he also punishes them: none of the Israelites over 20 years old, except for Joshua and Caleb, get to see the Promised Land.
So from this reading I learn that I should trust God. I’m actually scared not to do so. But how can I trust a God that brings such pain to so many lives? He could have saved Kayla. He could have protected her. He could have timed things differently. He is all powerful and could have protected his child. But he did not. He could have saved her life. But he did not.
Why?
I don’t have any answers. I understand it’s important to trust God, but trusting God is hard to do when life doesn’t turn out like you expect. I am reminded, though, of one verse that I memorized as a little kid: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).
I don’t understand. I don’t understand it at all. However, this fact that I have a limited understanding actually brings me some hope. Only God can see the full picture. Only He knows why things happen. All he asks of us is that we trust him, trust Him that He knows better than us. And that is what I will do. I will trust God with all my heart and not rely on my own incomplete view. I will trust God that he will take care of Kayla’s family and friends. And I will also trust that God will take care of Kayla while she is with him in heaven.
We miss you, sweet girl.
Day 29: Numbers 13-14
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