Dancing and Mourning

Day 176: Lamentations 4-5

Lamentations is a book for mourners. It is a book for people who have lost hope, who have experienced pain and loss, and who have become separated from God. Lamentations 5:15 says, "Joy is gone from our hearts; our dancing has turned to mourning." This book is about people who have lost hope and who are now crying out to God for help.

In recent years, much more than ever before, I have felt that much of the joy and hope I had as a young person has turned to mourning for one reason or another. It is no secret that I have been depressed over the last year of my life. I also suffered from postpartum depression after my son Peyton was born almost twenty years ago. Whereas I had experienced so much joy and happiness before, now I felt sad, lonely, and alone. I mourned. I felt the loss. I suffered. Lost hopes and dreams. Unnecessary conflict. Tired resignation. Worry. Anxiety. Sadness. Loneliness.

And although my dancing turned to mourning, God still came in. And he turned my mourning, my loneliness, my depression back into dancing, joy, happiness. God came in, and he restored my hope.

I am officially off depression medicine, and it feels good. I know, though, that dancing between mourning and joy is a part of life, but God is in control and he continues to rule my life.

Bitter or Better?

Day 109: Psalm 22-25

Psalm 22 begins, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" These words, spoken here by David, were also uttered by Jesus on the cross. When Jesus repeated the words of David, he was drawing on his ancestors; he was connecting to people who had felt the same way. But he was also showing that he, too, was suffering. At this particular moment on the cross, he felt that God had left him. That God had forsaken him. This is the worst thing that could happen to Jesus, being left by God. It was also the worst thing that could happen to David, feeling like God has abandoned him. It's the worst thing to happen to us, too. Feeling alone. Abandoned. Neglected. And not just by anyone--by God.

I read a book yesterday about creativity and suffering. The book, Drops Like Stars by Rob Bell, is about the pain we experience and how we can use creativity--which God invented--to imagine a life for ourselves and world in which we live that where suffering is looked at in a positive way--while we're in the midst of it. I encourage each of you to read this book (it's a quick read and written with a postmodern flair, combining images and text in uniquely creative ways).

David would not have been the same person had he not experienced the pain and suffering he went through. Maybe Jesus wouldn't have been either. Not only can he identify with humans in ways that he couldn't before, but he can use this perspective to plead to God about it as well.

Like David and Jesus, we, too, are changed through suffering. The choice we have, according to Bell, is whether we will become "better" or "bitter." How will we use our experiences? How will we be shaped and formed through them? Hopefully, we will become more alive, more able to experience and feel the goodness of God in our lives. Through our pain, we learn. We live.  We empathize with others. We become better not bitter.

We have all felt forsaken by God (I assume, but maybe not). Whether it's because bad things have happened to us or because of our sins, we may have felt distance between us and God, especially at times when we need Him most. It's not a good feeling to be abandoned by God, but both David and Jesus felt this at one point in their lives. They spoke how they felt to God. And so can we. Suffering bonds us together with others. And it also bonds us to Jesus.

The chapter after David utters his words to the Lord comes Psalm 23, the famous psalm where David declares, "The Lord is my shepherd; I lack nothing." and ends with "Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of our life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

In your suffering, may we all become better, not bitter.