Going Out Like Elijah

Day 69: 2 Kings 1-2

Rich Mullins is one of my all-time favorite artists. He is original, deep, and creative. His words are moving and inspiring. He makes me look at old ideas in fresh ways. One of his songs that I like is called "Elijah." Instead of writing a blog reflecting on how Elijah left this earth to be with God in a whirlwind, I leave you with the lyrics to Rich Mullins' beautiful song. May it inspire and encourage you as it has me. 

"The Jordan is waiting for me to cross through
My heart is aging I can tell
So Lord, I'm begging
For one last favor from You
Here's my heart take it where You will

This life has shown me how we're mended
And how we're torn
How it's okay to be lonely as long as you're free
Sometimes my ground was stoney
And sometimes covered up with thorns
And only You could make it what it had to be
And now that it's done
Well, if they dressed me like a pauper
Or if they dined me like a prince
If they lay me with my fathers
Or if my ashes scatter on the wind
I don't care

CHORUS:
But when I leave I want to go out like Elijah
With a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire
And when I look back on the stars
Well, It'll be like a candlelight in Central Park
And it won't break my heart to say goodbye

There's people been friendly
But they'd never be your friends
Sometimes this has bent me to the ground
Now that this is all ending
I want to hear some music once again
'Cause it's the finest thing I have ever found

But the Jordan is waiting
Though I ain't never seen the other side
They say you can't take in
The things you have here
So on the road to salvation
I stick out my thumb and He gives me a ride
And His music is already falling on my ears

There's people been talking
They say they're worried about my soul
Well, I'm here to tell you I'll keep rocking
'Til I'm sure it's my time to roll
And when I do

CHORUS (X2)"

Here is the actual song. 

Where is Your Broom Tree?

Day 68: I Kings 18-22

This weekend was a wonderful time of relaxation and renewal for me and Shane. We were blessed to have two wonderful friends give us the gift of a weekend trip to San Antonio. These dear friends were supporters of The Grove who knew firsthand how important it is for couples to spend time together, especially after such a long, arduous time.

This weekend was wonderful for us. We held hands as we walked along the winding paths of the Riverwalk. We laughed and giggled with delight as we always do when it’s just the two of us together. We relished each other’s company and enjoyed being together. We reflected on our life together. The valleys and the mountains. The bad decisions we’ve made in the past and the best ones we’ve ever made. We shopped, read books, and relaxed. What a wonderful weekend.

We have come far since the days when we felt we were sitting under the broom tree, wondering when God would save us from these days of “excrement” (a word used by my new favorite author Madeleine L’Engle in Two-Part Invention: The Story of a Marriage—a wonderful book and one that I encourage you to read). The broom tree, you see, is where Elijah went when he was being chased by Ahab who was trying to kill him. Elijah found this broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. He tells the Lord that he has had enough and he is now ready to die. Then he falls asleep.

Although we haven’t necessarily said that we wanted to die, we have felt some of these same feelings that Elijah had, wondering what it was all for. Here you had Elijah who was trying to do a good thing by prophesying and leading people to the Lord. But, instead, these people turn to Baal and to other idols, and Elijah feels like his life is not worth anything.

Many of us have sat under a broom tree before, wondering what is happening to life as we knew it, wondering how we got HERE, to this specific point, wondering how our life has turned out this way. And Elijah felt that way, too. He is ready to die.

But then an angel comes and tells Elijah to eat. The angel even provides food and water for Elijah. This food and water sustains him, so much so that he has enough strength to travel forty days and forty nights until he reaches Horeb, the mountain of God. At the mountain of God, Elijah gets to see the Lord pass by from his place in the mouth of the cave. The Lord doesn’t appear in the form of thunder, or a lighting bolt, or even fire. Instead, the Lord passes by in the form of a gentle whisper.

This weekend was a time for a couple to hear the loving, tender whisper of the Lord God speaking to us, telling us that he is proud of us, that he loves us. And forever reminding us that He is there for us, always, but especially in those days of excrement when we feel like crawling up under a broom tree and dying. God will find us there, and he will provide for us. He will meet all of our needs. 

Sin, Consequence, and Prayer: David and Bathsheba's Story

Day 61: 2 Samuel 9-12

David is known for many things: a man after God's own heart (I Samuel 13), a king of Israel, the father of Solomon, the best friend of Jonathan, the husband of Michal and Abigail, a harpist, a foe of Saul, a shepherd boy. But he is also known for one terrible sin: having an affair with Bathsheba, getting her pregnant while she is married to someone else, and then killing her husband Uriah the Hittite so that David could take Bathsheba as his wife.

David's sins here are terrible, and God is very displeased with David. As a punishment for these sins, God decides to kill the child born to David and Bathsheba. After the son is born, David prays fervently to God to change his mind and let the child live. He weeps and prays until the day his son dies--at just seven days old.

There is a lot going on here, and this is a very complicated story. But there are two main aspects I'd like to focus on here: sin/consequence and prayer.

1. Paying the consequences for our sins.
When I was growing up, I often hoped that there were things I wouldn't do. Bad things that I knew were sins. However, as time went on, I began to sin. I didn't just make mistakes; I sinned. And I sinned "big." Sins that I said to myself that I would never do. And these sins changed me. In some ways, I still live with the consequences of some of my sins: whether it's from feeling guilty or suffering from anxiety or being affected mentally or emotionally. However, because I have sinned, I know more about the saving grace and redemption of Jesus Christ. I am forgiven. I am healed. I am pure. All because of the blood of Jesus. 

When I hear of someone committing an awful sin, I'm not too surprised anymore. Sure, some of my attitude is probably because I've become desensitized to it. But I think it's more about realizing that we're all human and not feeling so prideful about myself. We all do things that are completely out of our nature--things that we promised ourselves we would never do. And so I try to approach people and life more by viewing us all as sinful beings--no matter how "bad" the sin is--and not be so judgmental about myself or them when we do sin. Sure, we have to pay the consequences for our sins, but no one is better than someone else just because "Well, hey, at least I didn't do that." We are all sinful, yet we are also saved and forgiven because of the blood of Christ.

2. When the answer is NO.
David prays fervently for God to spare the child, but God says, "No." We often wonder why God tells us "No" when we pray to him. Maybe we haven't sinned as David did when God tells us no, or maybe we have. But it's interesting that we have an example of someone begging God to change his mind, but God's answer remains the same--He will kill the baby. This situation--even though God does not allow the baby to live--changes David. David is a different person through this process of dealing with the consequence of his sin. He's also different due to the prayers he prayed to the Lord--even though God's answer was no. David is probably more understanding, more forgiving. He recognizes that he is not invincible, and he is forever a changed man.

While I firmly believe that prayer can change God's mind, I also believe that prayer changes people. Just like when we have a fulfilling and open conversation with a friend, we leave feeling happy, elated, and content, when we have a conversation with God, we are changed, too. I've often wondered what the purpose of prayer is, and David's example here gives us a glimpse into one such purpose.

Finding Hope

Day 51: Ruth 2-4

Poor Naomi. I really feel sorry for her. She lost her husband, two sons and one daughter-in-law all in a very short period of time. Yes, she still has Ruth (for whom she was thankful), but this doesn't diminish the pain of losing a husband and the two children she had borne. That loss a lot to fathom. Losing a spouse is enough in itself, but to also lose two children. Wow. Children aren't supposed to go before parents. That's why I feel sorry for Naomi.

I've always thought Naomi was just a bitter old woman. But as I'm older now and in a different position than before when I only looked at the story through Ruth's perspective, I can understand Naomi a lot better. And I don't think she's a bitter old woman; rather, I think she's trying to cope with the situation that has been thrown at her. A situation that causes her to doubt and question God. To even lose her faith in Him.

But here comes Ruth, and Ruth brings Naomi the hope that she had lost. Not only does Ruth commit to love her and go with her wherever she will go, therefore giving her love (and a daughter), Ruth also offers Naomi hope through an extended family--in a son (Boaz), and grandchildren. More important than that, though, is that Ruth restores Naomi's hope in God. Naomi feels that God has returned to her when Ruth and Boaz marry. The loss she feels lessens somewhat and she comes to know that God cares for her and that he is watching over her.

We live in a painful time--a time of addictions, car accidents, cancer, mental illness, poverty, hunger, hatred, children dead at too young of ages, stillbirths, and on and on and on. We live in a painful time. Life is not easy--it never has been--and we don't have the answers for all of life's mysteries.

But God does. We can take a lesson from Naomi by grieving and questioning where God is in the midst of all our pain. But we can also find hope. Hope in Jesus' death on the cross. Hope in our families and friends. Hope in nature. Hope in humanity. Hope in kindness, faith, and love. There is hope. Now may not be the time where we are ready to look for it, but it is there waiting for us when we are ready to look. The first place we can look to find it is to the cross. Jesus can give us hope again. He already has, actually; he's just waiting for us to come get it.

Trust in the Midst of Tragedy?

What does it mean to trust God?

That he will take care of us? That he will provide for us physically, emotionally, and spiritually? That he will fulfill the promises he makes in the Bible? Promises such as hearing our prayers, bringing only good things to us, or loving us. Or is it that we trust him to give us what we ask for in our prayers (non-material things, specifically)?

Sometimes I have a hard time trusting God. If he’s not going to take care of me, provide for me, fulfill the promises he makes in the Bible, or give me what I ask for in my prayers, then how can I trust Him?

Trusting God is hard to do. And yet God still wants us to trust him. But trusting God is so hard to do.

Last night, a 21-year-old girl at the church in Gatesville where Shane was a preacher was killed in a car wreck. She has a 9 month old daughter that will never know how much her sweet mommy loved and adored her. She has parents who love her and who have now lost a child before her time. She has a church family who looked forward to seeing her each week.

Why do things like this happen? We trust God to take care of our children. We pray to God that He will protect them from harmful things. And yet…things like this keep happening. This question of why bad things happen to good people is age-old, but it’s still relevant today. We ask the same question: “Why,” but we don’t get a satisfactory answer. God’s ways just don’t make sense to us. How can we trust God when life doesn’t turn out like it should or like we want it to? What does trusting God mean anyway?

Unfortunately, the reading for today doesn’t bring much comfort to me and doesn’t bring many answers either. In fact, the reading actually makes me fearful because at this point in the narrative, the Israelites do two things wrong. First, the spies, except for Joshua and Caleb, come back from Canaan with a false report about how big and strong the Canaanites are. They don’t trust God to be on their side and they lack faith that he will fulfill his promise to give them the land flowing with milk and honey. As a result of their lies and lack of faith in God, God strikes the spies with a plague, and each one of them die (except Joshua and Caleb). Second, God punishes the entire Israelite community because of their grumbling that resulted from the spies report. They, too, didn’t trust God (or Moses and Aaron) to provide for them and fulfill his promise to take care of them and give them good things.

Moses pleas with God to forgive the Israelites and not to kill them (like God wanted to do). God does forgive them, but he also punishes them: none of the Israelites over 20 years old, except for Joshua and Caleb, get to see the Promised Land.

So from this reading I learn that I should trust God. I’m actually scared not to do so. But how can I trust a God that brings such pain to so many lives? He could have saved Kayla. He could have protected her. He could have timed things differently. He is all powerful and could have protected his child. But he did not. He could have saved her life. But he did not.

Why?

I don’t have any answers. I understand it’s important to trust God, but trusting God is hard to do when life doesn’t turn out like you expect. I am reminded, though, of one verse that I memorized as a little kid: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).

I don’t understand. I don’t understand it at all. However, this fact that I have a limited understanding actually brings me some hope. Only God can see the full picture. Only He knows why things happen. All he asks of us is that we trust him, trust Him that He knows better than us. And that is what I will do. I will trust God with all my heart and not rely on my own incomplete view. I will trust God that he will take care of Kayla’s family and friends. And I will also trust that God will take care of Kayla while she is with him in heaven.

We miss you, sweet girl.

Day 29: Numbers 13-14